When Uganda attains First World Status

I wrote this post on July 23, 2015 and shared it on my Facebook page; it was triggered by the news that Mubarak had died from Sudan. A da later, we learnt that Mubarak was actually alive and he, himself had made that stunt so as to extract money from his relatives in form of condolence and funeral arrangements.

When Uganda finally attains first world status, I would like to be there but not alone.

Author with colleagues at a pool table

It came as a shock when they told me that Mubarak has died, an
agemate with whom we grew, fought, shared, cared and schooled.

As we grew, academics started sorting out the weak and for Mubarak, I left him classes back. However he completed school before me not with a bachelors but a P.5 report card.

He would soon make a name beyond our small village as a petty thief that grew up to become a master of cons. But Mubarak should not have died because we laughed and cried together; we had big dreams and plans for the future but he stifled his by dedicating all his time to seeking for money at all costs.

Then Sudan came calling and off he went. The war that broke out in 2013 scared many back but Mubarak stayed and he became part of it.

In February 2016, Mubarak nearly landed me in trouble but thankfully my financial background and education in money laundering came to my rescue. Someone else fall into the trap and Mubarak survived as the hero of the story.

As we awaited when he would return to answer for that heinous crime. Duh, the news came that Mubarak has died. Why, when where I don't know but I have a feeling he should not have died before explaining why he always landed other people in trouble, why his parents had to sell off land to save him from prison in Sudan, why he set a trap and landed Barbra in a trap of 2.5 million but most of all why Mubarak stole the only chicken that I received as a gift after circumcision.

You may not rest in peace Mubarak!

Once upon a time in July

I wanted to publish this article yesterday but I could not confirm that we are in July, I had to give it another day. We are living in unprecedented times. You may have walked 5 days of the month and then suddenly something happens and the month is reversed.

But I can now confirm that we are in July, the first month in the second half of another wasted year of 2021. July is the longest month of the year, literally it feels like July has around 40 days, 8 weeks and very many hours.

The month of July in Bugisu used to be the month of harvesting, likyesa. It is a month when persons like Nekesa and Wekesa were born. But not anymore, I think. Some people now take on their parents' names and thus you will find a Wekesa born in January and a Nakhumitsa born in December.

Anyway, even the word itself has evolved. Khukyesa is now only used in relation to the millet, which millet growing is also waning. The language in general is evolving and we have adapted the Luganda word of Okukungula. In place of Khukyesa, we are now putting khukhungula.

50 years from now, you will need to explain the meaning of your names to your children, but shall we be knowing them. If it was not for my namesake Mr Wabuyi William, I would be walking this world not knowing the meaning of my name, Wabuyi but now I know. Only that I was born in the "wrong" month.

As we sail through July, the month of harvest, the longest month of the year, may blessings envelope your life. May you harvest wherever you have sown good seed.

And also, take care!

Uganda is ours, you can't take that away.

As we embark on the journey, to a new financial year, as a country, I imagine how it has been a painful thing being in Uganda for the last 30 years and especially for adults; with heavy burdens imposed on you everyday that passes by. Most of this pain is not even caused by the heavy taxes but by how our taxes are misappropriated and skewed to uplifting some regions while others are left to crumble. 

In many cases you're tempted to think that there is a mission by our rulers which is meant to make us hate our country. But us, Ugandans love this country tremendously. Even when the burdens weigh heavily on our lives and in our hearts, we still remember that we were not only born in Uganda but Uganda lives in us!

I love Uganda, my motherland!

The Uganda flag

The unfairness doesn't take away our cheerful nature. We welcome foreigners with open hands and in our hearts, even in lack we share the little we have.

Our nature is unique. Ugandans go to Sudan, Middle East and are mistreated but we are happy to host millions of Sudanese refugees. We even let foreigners come here and fight over our land. That is generosity not to be found in many countries.

Even in the deepest of pain and you greet a Ugandan, "how are you?", he/she will always respond with a smile "I am fine" because we are Ugandans!

Goodbye OTT, Let Us Welcome Exploitation

While growing up, we used to taunt our playmates in the village. Whenever they would find you eating and ask us to share, we would ask them to hold on until we have filled up our stomach to the extent of overflowing. In English, it does not come out well but literally, we would be telling you that we shall give after we are full to the brim.

It also reminds me of the bullies in high school. On one occasion I witnessed a very piteous scenario. A senior three lad found a Senior one student (Nyongo) opening up his bag of ground nuts. The bully commanded the nyongo to, "fill this bowl of mine with those ground nuts till I smile" The Nyongo started filling the bowl, with a keen eye on the bully to see a smile on the bully's face. This he did until he had emptied his entire bag of ground nuts without soliciting a smile from the bully turned thief. After making sure that the Nyongo had no more seeds as we usually called them, the bully just walked away, he didn't smile.

From the above experiences, you realise how hard it is to please a bully, you understand that it is not a good idea to keep turning the other cheek for one whose aim is to smother you.

In 2018, NRM government introduced a bizarre tax on social media called OTT. This action raised the ire of especially the young educated people but our career politicians were not much concerned. Indeed, Bobi Wine rallied his friends in the music industry, arts and the media but political establishments did not give it much attention. 

In the end, the NRM won, the tax was imposed, businesses crumbled and Ugandans moved on. One would think that this would be the last time government would attempt to ridiculously promote innovation while blocking avenues of Ugandans' interaction with the world but this government never gives a damn.

Bobi Wine has solely opposed OTT as a politician

Today marks the end of OTT charge which was introduced in 2018 and one would celebrate but in place of OTT which affected only social media, we now have a 12% tax imposed on the entire internet. Therefore, if you're this NRM old lad who thought that they were only going against social media and therefore you can use email, they have come for you too.

Silence to the actions of dictators only embolden them to venture into more terror. Never shut eyes to the oppression of the neighbor and never feed a monster on assumption that it will get satisfied and leave you. 

To those who think that Napoleon is always right, together we shall walk to the gates of hell.

To all people who stayed faithful to the cause and refused to pay OTT whenever they could, you're the betrayed comrades in this fight!

I, My Photo and The Mask

Yesterday, I walked into a photo studio at 13:55 to perform a duty of great national importance: to take a  photo, in fact a passport photo. 

After Younger had taken my pitcha, I walked out to enjoy the empty, clean streets since I was told that it will take 20 minutes until the photo is ready.

At 14:20 I walked back into the studio and to my surprise, they had already printed the passport photos. I immediately suspected that something must be wrong since people are not known to keep time on this end of the town.

As I paid, and waiting for my change, I naturally pulled out the photos to have a look. I was surprised beyond imagination.

"Younger, are you okay in the head?", I asked 

"Why?"

"How can you print passport photos when I am in a mask?"

"You did not remove the mask, it is not my fault."

It did not end just like that but after wading through the circus, I afforded a laugh; at myself and Younger.

Bride Price Derails Gender Equality

Have you ever imagined appreciating someone, then that person calls you to his home, informs you about the nature of gift he wants, the quantity and the time when he needs it; in the process, you hire mercenaries to head your team of negotiators so that your intended gifting does not have to be too costly; indeed because you cannot agree, sometimes the negotiations spill over to the next day until you strike a compromise; all in the name of your wish to gift someone?

It is a long sentence but that is how dowry/bride price sounds to me.

Internet Photo (May be subject to copyright)

Pope Francis is one of my great inspirations; not only as a spiritual father but a wholesome human being with a heart of mercy, kindness and humanity. At the infancy of his papacy, he made a great statement when he said, "Things have a price and can be for sale, but people have a dignity that is priceless and worth far more than things"

This quote strikes me every time I think about the issue of gender disparity in Uganda which is glorified in action but despised in word, mostly in regard to bride price. The question is, why should we pay bride price?

Going by its name, I think bride price is the price tagged against the female when they are being united with a man to form a marriage; either religiously, or traditionally. 

Ugandans most especially women may deny the fact but some parents out there are looking out to their daughters as a source of income in form of bride price. Indeed, some parents have gone an extra of hiring mercenaries/professional salesmen to haggle/bargain the amount to be paid for bride price.

I find it funny that female activists who passionately preach equality still think that it is incumbent upon the man to pay money in order to earn himself a wife and still treat her as an equal in that marriage; it is ironic.

It is high time we manned up and accepted to have the cake or to eat it; we cannot attain equality if one gender is for sale while the other pays. Okay, some people say it is appreciation, but when is the appreciation coming to the man's side?

We have studied with Nabweteme from P.1 to University, we finish school and walk the same streets looking for jobs, the investment from the parents has been the same, why charge me when I choose to marry Nabweteme? Why appreciate her parents and not mine?

Of course, going forward, this is a post I have to hide from my prospective parents-in-law, lest I derail all chances of ever marrying any one's girl from Uganda. But if anyone ever asks why I wrote, I will say that I meant it!

Behind Every Stupid Plan, Judge Not!

We need to organize a school debate with a motion , "village life is better than town life". I will be the proposer and town people like Emma Bwayo will be the opposer while Ezzy Brian shall be time keeper.

Village life is better because it is real life; town life is fiction. At around that time when the Bodaboda riders in Kampala and other towns were discussing the warship "emeeri", my village buddy was discussing real stuff with me.

He parked his motorcycle for 7 days and went to Kyabazzala in Kayunga to visit his sister with the hope that his sister's husband (his brother in law) will give him some money to clear his daughter's school fees. He spent a week in Kyabazzala and true to his expectations, he was given 100,000. Upon returning, he cleared the 70,000 fees balance. He thanked his muko and he thinks that he should be doing this every term.

The only thing I forgot to tell you is that he spent 60,000 traveling to Kayunga and back. The damn comfort felt after robbing even if the cost of robbing was higher than the loot. 

"How much do you make riding your motorcycle everyday", I asked him to which he said 20,000 or more.

I went on with a barrage of friendly insults, lecturing him about the basics of life and how he should have known that 7 days on his motorcycle would have earned him more than what he actually got from his brother in law.

Educated people move around with a lot of lugezigezi and think that they can lecture everyone about life. So, this guy asked me whether I have ever gone for holiday and returned with a pay check.

"I went off duty for 7 days and returned with enough fees for my daughter. Can any bodaboda rider go for a holiday return with pay?"

That is why town life is better than village life!