Effective Communication is Key

I was seated in my wooden chair minding my business when someone sent me a text message: "Watching piggery farmers program on TV. I love, admire and want to be like them".

I told her it's impossible especially with her eating habits.

She asked why and I explained why she can't "be a pig".

"Stupid, I never said that I want to be a pig, I want to be a pig farmer."

I then clearly understood what Dr Juliet meant when she taught us about clarity and completeness when communicating. 

You're talking about pig farms and then say you wanna be like them. How will I know that you want to be a farm, rather farmer and not a pig?

In this lockdown, and especially to  my young brothers and sisters, there is no need to rush, we have all the time. 

Write full words and write complete sentences!

Effective communication requires that the message should be clear and also complete.

But how will you achieve these if you can't even write a two letter word "OK" or "you" in full?

Martha says that it is either laziness or illiteracy. But even when the former is more prevalent, chances are high that it is a combination of both.

And by the way, what does it feel like to write "ok" as "k"?

Denis Wabuyi

This article also appears here: http://nangalama.blogspot.com/2020/05/uganda-clear-communication-is-key-to.html

IT IS JUST A SNAKE!

By WABUYI DENIS

A few years ago, I think in 2005. I was moving with my fellow evangelists, going door to door preaching the good gospel to bring many more souls to Christ.

Because it is rural Bugisu, we reached a point when we needed rest and got a spot under a huge tree.

As we rested while planning where to go next, a beautiful green snake made its way out of the shrub and made its way toward where we sat before we scared it off. As it scampered for safety from us, dangerous humans, we also exclaimed "Jesu" and walked off.

We had moved around 100 meters from the snake's sanctuary when my evangelist colleague thought that we should lock hands and pray. I asked why, and he told me that we must pray against the "devil" who had just "attacked" us.

"I didn't see any devil, it was just a snake, they have missed me many times", I said innocently.

I narrated to him so many stories of childhood when on various occasions we have found snakes in our house and sometimes in the same beddings where we were tucked.

The next day, the fellow evangelist shunned my company.

This flashback came to mind when I was moving with a colleague; a distance from home and saw a snake. His impulse was to kill it, mine was wondering why kill a snake which is in the wilderness.

"It is not the devil, it is just a snake!"



Also appeared on my sister Martha's blog: https://nangalama.blogspot.com/2020/05/uganda-it-is-just-snake.html

Taro (Kimitolotolo) in my Village Perspective

Internet picture of the Taro plant (Kimitolotolo)

By WABUYI DENIS

Isn't this kimitolotolo?
They are very delicious when prepared in ground nuts with kumushelekhe.
We used to have a bird which would always remind grandma whenever she delayed to serve lunch.

It would sing like,
"kimitolotolo, kyera Wokuri"
"kimitolotolo, kyera Wokuri"

Meaning; sweetness of kimitolotolo is killing Wokuri.

I last tasted them in 1996 when I last ate from my grandma.

The next time I visited her in 2000, she had lost her sight and was staying with her blind mother (my great grandma).

They always insisted on singing to me.

There was this funny song whose lyrics I cannot recall so well but it was a mix of Luganda and Lugisu.

They went along something like,
"Khatalina khatalina bakhana, banasul'ebwelu,"

Then great grandma would sing along,
"uuuu, uuuu"

I never used to want to leave but they always had sudden change of mood and their nice stories often ended in bitter disagreement and then the blind great grandma would threaten to hit her blind daughter (grandma).

This would make my grandma cry which would also reduce me and my cousin Biira to tears. In May, a few days before or after my 11th birthday, my grandma died.

Somehow, I have not understood why but my grandma was buried at the same site as her father and not her husband. One of these days I will ask mummy whether it is because she was the youngest of my grandpa's wives or because she did not have a son born to her. She only had daughters and all went to settle in their marriages.

But I think having born only daughters in such a setting is the reason why.

In turn of events, my mother has born only boys for children. Same number as her mother.

My grandma was the last grandparent I had and was the only one of my biological grandparents who crossed to the new Millennium.

I need to find out how her husband (the one I am named after) got to have 3 wives, many children but still educated almost all his daughters. For a man who was born in early 1900s, that was epic!

Mpozi, how did I reach here?

Kimitolotolo ikyera Wokuri!

Should We Cover Our Eyes, or They Should Cover Their Private Parts?

Serena Williams cups her breasts
(Photo may be subject to copyright)

BY WABUYI DENIS

The current Covid-19 scourge will definitely leave a mark on our lives and may also change us forever. This change we shall carry on to the future generations without telling them why it was necessary.

One of these days I have started imagining my children's children having to wear a mask covering their mouth and nose without knowing the real reason why. And innocently, they will also carry it on to future generations. These generations may also take it without asking.

If you're doubting this, tell me the reason why African girls cover their breasts? Does anyone have a genuine founded reason as to why it is "indecent" for an African girl to move topless at a beach the same way a man does? No. It was just carried from somewhere and adopted as a way of life.

It reminds me of Gilbert Bukenya (fromer Vice President of Uganda) when asked why he supported NRM for that long and thus being part of a regime that impoverished his people. He retorted that he was also innocently carrying ekifulukwa whose content he did not know; he accepted without asking.

Apart from a few uptown girls, majority people born before the new Millennium should bear me witness that while growing up in our villages, we would go to the garden with our mothers. As the sun rose and it got hot, the women would pull off their blouses, tie them around the waist and leave their breasts out.

The same woman would come back home, walking all the way from Shituulo to Namunyu without attracting any stares because along the way, we would find even men hanging their shirts on the backs as the sun got hotter.

I also don't know when breasts became private parts but the first time I saw it was in the movies. Then one time we escaped from school went to Kingfisher resort in Bukaya. There, I saw women covering their breasts and not covering their butts. It was my bewilderment that drew the attention of the attendants to arrest and flog us for trespassing. By then, flogging a kid was a community responsibility and somehow, those matters simply ended like that without involving the parents and the schools.

But at the resort, I could not imagine someone taking trouble to cover their breasts and not minding about their butts. Maybe because the butts of the other generation had depressions inflicted by injections and "riding bicycle'' that we never saw our predecessors (in Africa) display them with pomp.

Thus, from our setting a man or woman could carry on with their activities topless and it is not regarded indecent but if you move with your bottoms out, that would earn you a day at Kanyanya’s shrine to conjure the ancestors! But of course if you have been watching movies or your parents have, it is the opposite; cover the breast, let the buttocks swag!

And as times surely change and people prefer to shed off more clothes, I picture future generations being asked to cover the faces so that they don't see each other's private parts. In their wisdom or rather lack of it, they won’t realise that it all started with covering the mouths and nose to protect ourselves from Covid-19. I do not wish to live in those times but I equally don't find reason for wearing clothes if all our faces are covered! If the face mask falls off and you get to see all the undressed people around you, you will endure it; the same way we endure when wind carries a woman’s dress and she takes a minute to pull it back or rather the way we villagers are trained; when you happen to see an elder naked, close your eyes.

I will end this by thanking President Museven for the lockdown. It has pushed some of us into a creativity (you may read idle) mode. Some people from Mayuge are working on the cure. But some of me here, in Busiu are also helping the world with ideas which will shape society after the Kadaga’s cure has been launched and the whole world cured of COVID-19!

WABUYI DENIS

When Hunger superseded Disease

The road to my Village

Today, I woke up with enormous joint ache, but some pains make me forget mine which have persisted for 2 days; because I know that this is not even a 10th of what other people going through.

Today, I thought it wise that the children who are loitering around need to get revision papers to keep them "in class" while in this lockdown, avoid idling and possibly learn from one another.
I encountered a good friend of mine (bodaboda rider) who told a heartbreaking story but one which is a representation of many Ugandans under current circumstances.

A friend came to his place at 5:30 am and knocked (to his bewilderment). Just like a good neighbor, he opened to him asking what the matter was. The friend narrated to him how his family spent the previous day without any food and his little children have been crying all night. He was therefore requesting Simon to give him his (Simon’s) motorcycle so that he can be able to ride around hoping to get money to feed his family.

He also told him that the youngest of the kids is sick and the last time her mother took her to a hospital, they prescribed some medicine which he has not been able to buy. “how will the baby even swallow the medicine on an empty stomach?”

It is a painful story because currently, the bodabodas have been banned from carrying passengers which forms over 95% of their clientele. Simon ceded the motorcycle and 2,000 for fuel. Even as he gave out the motorcycle, he was not sure whether it will return because thousands of them have been impounded.

As if that was not enough, as I was bemourning the great pain the bodaboda riders were experiencing, another man from Namunyu, who had also come for printing told me that I have not seen enough

Simon the Bodaboda owner and rider loading cement in Busiu,
Before the lockdown

"I went to see the woman in the neighborhood who helps me with my garden and I wanted her to assist me with the garden. Fortunately or unfortunately I did not find her but instead her son who had come with his family to her mother. When I told him why I was there, he hushed me and asked me to just show him the garden before his mother can take that tender."

"He did not even suggest how much, he just said whatever you offer, I will take it. Apo na apo (there and then), he took to the garden with his whole family and by 6pm (after 4 hours) they had cleared the garden."

"He insisted that I choose how much I give him and seeing the desperation and also the speed at which they had cleared the garden, I gave him 2 times what I could have given another person".
This is how bad it is, the people out there are looking for survival not enrichment or convenience, they are hungry and angry but they have nothing to do.

Today, one young man was reportedly shot dead in Mbale town for carrying a passenger on a bodaboda but for those people out there, they would rather die of COVID-19 but not hunger.

We can do something about it; all of us. You can reach out to a neighbor who does not have food.

X-FILES FROM THE VILLAGE

Monday
In our culture when the mother of your wife dies, you the son in law are not supposed to attend the burial. Our culture prohibits contact between bamasaala. Bamasaala are parents of your husband or wife; you can't enter your inlaws' bedroom, share a chair; you cannot shake hands with a parents in-law of opposite sex. A woman cannot use the same latrine as her father in-law.

Tuesday

When Wetunga used to drink a little more than he is supposed to, he would turn into lose mouth. He had grown a habit of abusing people and revealing secrets. It is for this reason that before he died, Wetunga had cast a spell on his son and son's wife. It is now unfortunate he died before lifting the curse.

Wednesday

It was however her fault that she annoyed her father in law to this extent. How could she? A father in law is not supposed to even see your knees. Lifting her skirt to her husband's father and showing him her behind was horrible. In retaliation Wetunga cursed his elder son's wife. Till he died, his son Watiila has never fathered a child with his wife Namwatikho.

Thursday

Namwatikho is Watila's wife and Watila was Wetunga's son which Wetunga drowned at Marekero 3 weeks ago. 2 years ago when Watila had just married Namwatikho from Budadiri she proved to be a bad woman. She insisted and always quarreled with people who called her Namwatikho and not Namwadiko as she preferred. But it was a matter of her understanding us. We the Bagisu from South and Central have a dialectic difference. For example Nandutu is Nandudu, Nakuti is Nagudi, Negesa is Nekesa. So you cannot easily change us to call you in Ludadiri because we also think that they are not pronouncing correctly. But Namwatikho never tolerated anyone calling her so. She could abuse, fight or beat anyone who twisted her name. But that is not why she stripped for her father in law.
But when she did it, because everyone never liked her, everyone blamed her.

Friday

On that day two years ago Wetunga had gone drinking early in the morning (it happens after harvest because there is not much work to do). Namwatikho was a bride of 6 months but never got along with many other people apart from her fellow Nabudadiri who was herself calm and respectful. It was at that time when she met with her father in law and she asked him, "Father when will you ever be sober if you spend all day drinking?". This did not go down well with Wetunga who did not like her but had avoided her for the sake of family. Coupled with effect of alcohol, hell broke lose and Wetunga started a tirade of abuses on Namwatikho. He called her all the bad names that I cannot say here. Being one who was not liked no one cared to calm Wetunga all people around left him to continue. You could see people smiling from ear to ear. Being what she is She could not take it anymore and when she began abusing her father in law everyone sent their children to the house lest they hear the obscene insults being exchanged. Before they could reach her, Namwatikho lifted her skirt and showed her behind to her father in law then walked away to her house. This was enough to send alcohol intoxication off Wetunga's head.

Saturday

An event like what happened could not go without mention. It happened two years ago but it is remembered vividly like it happened yesterday. Now Wetunga is dead and was burried but its effects remains up to today. Wetunga cursed Namwatikho's womb. The one she was carrying was birthed prematurely and it died. Since then she has had 4 miscarriages in 2 years. Her father in law's death must have been a relief to her but there are times when a curse lasts long even after the person who cast it has passed on. For the case of Namwatikho, Wetunga died before lifting the curse. As we speak she has gone to the village midwife but her days had not reached. It may be the same story.

Sunday

Till now Namwatikho is still at the village midwife's place. After the event I told you about Namwatikho changed a lot. If it was not for her reforming the elders had resolved to banish her. It however also took the intervention of Muduku who is a highly respected government official for the elders to rescind the banishment of Namwatikho and her husband. Since then she has reformed and apologised to all people that she wronged. All seem to have forgiven her; Wetunga didn't.

At midday I beat a path through the shrub to also check on Namwatikho. The fruitless labour pains and the curse has taken the toll on a once lively woman; she has lost her beauty. Lying on a mat, her head supported by another folded mat and a heap of rag clothes; when she opened her eyes and saw me, I thought she recognised me and in pain she tried to smile but couldn't. She moved her hand as if to hold me but let it fall back.
I could not hold back my tears. I then remembered that last time when she had shown me the world in our banana plantation! It was my first sex after circumcision commonly known as "Kumulindi".

As i walked away, I heard sharp piercing cry right from the house that I had just left Namwatikho. I stood transfixed debating in mind whether to go back or continue forward!

She has died a bitter death!

Till then, we shall keep you posted!

A Tale of Two Beauties

"Send this message to 14 people in 10 minutes including myself. God is going to surprise you with money."

Does Heaven currency work in Uganda?

To the people who forward to us these messages sustainably, what is always going through your mind as you forward? What are your intentions? Why should I send back to you what you sent to me? The sentence does not even make sense.

It reminds me of the year 1999 back in the village called Nabisolo. Till now it is a rural area with animals like foxes, tsinjipwe, butsutse and other chicken-mauling animals whose names I can't recall neither in English nor the local Lumasaba. However, the name Nabisolo is loosely translated to mean a place of wild animals and being that it is at the foot of Wanale hill, harbouring wild animals is not anything strange. Nabisolo is found in Bungokho, one of the sub counties that make up rural Mbale.

I do not have many fond memories of this place apart from the fact that it is where I lost my virginity and maybe this other story that am going to share with you today. When you are in Nabisolo you have a good view of the plain flat areas of Mbale town and the beauty of other places like Busiu with the great Manafa River snaking through to offer water to the rice farms in Himutu, Doho, Tindi all in Butalejja. I have a feeling the river then pours into the great Mpologoma, which also delivers to Kyoga in Pallisa. In other words, you can stand on rock in Nabisolo and view three quarters of Mbale including the shanty structures of Kikamba in Mooni, Munkaga in Nauyo and the United States of Adra (USA), Maluku.

Now that you have a clear picture of Nabisolo, we can go back to 1999, the year that transformed me into a man proper. Having been circumcised on 28th December 1998, I was properly initiated into manhood on 1st January 1999 because I missed the mandatory 30th December the day I was supposed to have my shabalye. It is also the year in which I celebrated making a decade in Uganda and the world in general.

In the year 1999 in that village there lived 2 girls that I got well along with. My attachment to these girls was simple; one took my virginity, the other introduced me to her. It goes without doubt that many children in Bugisu are normally introduced to sex at a tender age. After all, it is circumcision then the need to cut what we call “kumulindi”. It happens when a circumcised boy has sex for the first time since he was circumcised. When I now look back, I think that I would not accept to do such a thing because you are not even allowed to use a condom; for better results.

Back to the story of Nakuti and Khaitsa. Khaitsa was and yes, she is still my cousin sister. She was 3 years older but our closeness mainly emanated from the fact that I was at the centre of all her relationships that I can now say were love affairs. One unique character about Khaitsa was that she was not one to refuse advances from any boy. At 12 years, you would say she was too young to be having over 4 lovers but my sister got well along with it. No wonder that she has borne us 4 nieces and 5 nephews from 3 in-laws.

I now look back and marvel at her capacity to make sure that she kept all her lovers and kept amassing them; one thing that I have failed to even contemplate doing. But this was not of her alone because even Nakuti my first cut did not end with me but that will be another day’s story. Today’s story shall be about Nakuti and Khaitsa my sister.

Born at a time when girl-child education did not mean much to the people in the slopes of Wanale, these girls knew that their mission in life was to grow, get married, tend to the children and die. It is the reason why the fate of Nakuti and Khaitsa at school would be sealed as soon as the girls started “going to the moon” as the locals used to say. Whenever the girls stained their pink school uniforms, they could be ridiculed all day and Nakuti would normally stay home for the 4 days that followed. But she did not miss much since school in such places always ended at lunch time. The time after lunch was for singing practice, games and sports. I doubt whether much has changed since then.

Nakuti and Khaitsa kept a bond that stood a test of time and I vividly remember this one evening when Khaitsa skipped school because she was in one of those “red days”. After school, Nakuti picked all her books on the pretext of coming for revision with Khaitsa. Of course she just got a good excuse to skip helping her mother prepare supper and get the goats into their place; because the two families maintained a good family friendship, it was allowed for Nakuti to stay late outside their home because she was at my uncle’s place and the same of my cousin sister Khaitsa. The girls always took advantage of this loophole to pay visits to their lovers and tell their parents they were at the other’s place.

This one evening when Nakuti visited Khaitsa, 20 minutes were spent on school work. She told Khaitsa about what transpired at school. Of course, at the back of my mind even at that tender age was why my cousin should miss school just because she is in her “moon days”, why she bled and we the boys did not bleed. No one ever bothered to tell me but it was because I never asked anyway. It has been my tendency from childhood to keep most of the questions to myself; I always believe that I will find out myself without bringing myself so low to ask.

Having grown up now to a level of appreciating the role women play in our society and being exposed to the need to have girls educated just as boys should be, I wonder why girls even up to now and tomorrow should miss school days just because they are girls. Many times I read posts of people in support or against Dr Nyanzi but on rare occasions do I see a political party raise voice in support of her cause however noble it is. That is what we call bastardising a noble cause for political gains.

Back to Nakuti. When it got late and time when she is supposed to go back home, Khaitsa offered to walk her friend outside the compound. The girl chat that the two were enjoying went on and instead of stopping her outside the compound; Khaitsa accompanied Nakuti to her house. I now look back and wonder what the girls were discussing to that extent. After greeting Nakuti’s parents and wishing them a good night, of course Nakuti had to return the favour and walk Khaitsa back home but this time with Nakuti’s brothers since it was getting late.

The next time it happened, Khaitsa never returned home

To be continued......................................

By the way, forward this message to everyone in your contacts list including me and I will surprise you with nothing.