Considering Marriage, Choose Wisely

 

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Well, you can call me what you want after reading this article but I am not what you think I am. I am starting it on a bitter/negative note because the first person to read this article was a woman. She intently read everything (as she always does for my articles) and after that, she called me a male chauvinist pig. I swallowed it.

Our topic for today is marriage, love and relationships. It was inspired by a true story from my "presidential" advisor on love matters. Since I started following his advice, he has only been wrong 3 times. Since we met I have taken his advice only 3 times.

So, we were talking about how he ended up with his wife of now 2 beautiful children. He told me how it happened as some sort of an accident and assured me that in this world, a man cannot get what he wants in regard to marriage**. This was his story:

“After graduating and getting a simple job in Kampala, it was time to start dating real women - outside campus life. My desired quality was a slim, brown girl with a matching height. It was not long until I landed on this "fantamaglorious" charming lady from one of those big churches in the city. We started dating. The problem with these girls is their social life which is limited to church, and outings for food. For me, life started after 10pm and the obvious places you would find me would be bars watching football and quite often, I would end up in a club or music concert. In all these outings, I would be with my buddies who at times would move with their chics and in most cases, side chicks. It was not long until I got my girlfriend a helper.”

At this time I looked at my advisor and inside my head, a voice said, “fumitta embozzi” and like a loyal story teller, he continued.

“I met Nalumansi in one of those top clubs in Kampala. She was in a situation almost similar to mine; her boyfriend was a Christian lad who seemed more committed to church than anything else. One thing led to the other and I don't know how but she ended up at my apartment on one of those funny weekends.”

“She was the best girl ever. We did all that we did while knowing that each of us had our loyal partners who we kept at heart and they also had us in their prayers everyday.” my advisor added.

I was somehow getting angry that the story was going to end so fast because I see him ending up with Nalumansi but then he told me in a clear loud voice, without mentioning it, “katandika butandisi”

“So how I ended up with my current wife is a long story; but to cut it short, God relieved me of my beautiful Christian, brown girl. She called one evening, asking to meet at my house. I could not believe that a girl who has held out for this long had finally accepted. It was a Saturday evening. She came and everything happened. But in the morning as she was organising to leave, that girl made a revelation that left me wondering why I did not know the brown devil that I was dealing with. Amidst sobs and tears, she told me it was the last time we may be meeting. I could not understand but she made a confession that if the devil was listening, I think satan too was startled, but that is how it ended. I tried pursuing her alongside Nalumansi but we reached a time when we had to let go and we ended it”.

He did not tell me what the confession was about but he said, it was at around the same time that Nalumansi's boyfriend was arrested over something that went wrong at his workplace and taken to prison.

“It was at the same time that I made a self evaluation and thought about how fast life was moving. I helped Nalumansi have her man secure bail and at that moment, unfortunately or fortunately, we struck up a friendship that you would never wish for. But the guy had vibe. He started advising me about relationships and told me some of his dirty dealings with women. In one of “them” conversations, he told me to never count myself to be in a relationship unless I have a woman who has real “nyashi””

Wherever this conversation was heading was a totally wrong direction. I therefore called it off and asked my advisor on love, marriage and relationships to stop there because his advice was sounding like Kusasira's advice to Museveni and I thought that he needs a few words of advice from myself. After all, we have known that some advisors need more advice than the advised.

To my advantage, his wife called and asked him to find her at Senana. She had come with the kids and did not want to go back home on a Bodaboda. He promised to continue the story when we meet next weekend.

"I want to know how this relationship with Nalumansi went and how you ended up with your wife. But first tell me what the confession from the other Christian Lady was about" I asked him soon as we re-united the following weekend.

"Anyway, I don't know how those people (the Christians) do their thing but after denying me conjugal rights for over 1 year, she accepted on the day she came to announce our break up. Her Church Parson had called her and convinced her that a conversation between the Parson and God had ended in agreement that Sheila (that was her name) should get married to Pastor's son. Being what she was, a confused young woman who had spent more time in Church than, anywhere else, she obliged. But before she could commit herself, she had thought to sin just this once and with me."

That was startling.

"Since then, I took advice from Nalumansi's boyfriend, between beauty and intelligence, when picking choosing a woman to marry, choose Nyashi, you will never regret!"

Social media hypocrisy

Author with Ritah Nahurira (RIP) at Wanale Natural Pool

When going through the social media accounts of the Uganda community, I am terrified with the opportunity it gives us to pretend and lie without remorse.

scroll through a few lines and you will come across a post or comment by a man glorifying another person's wife on Facebook. Then his next comment on another girl's photo will make your heart skip a beat. 

All over the place, people are flirting and on public platforms and with persons some have never met in real life. Somehow, it has helped to push true love down the drain. It is now hard for one to differentiate between flirtatious post from genuine show of love.

What has actually triggered this write up is the lamentation of a friend. He was crushing on this lady for some months until January when he chose to man-up and texted her. He did all this against my advice. I had advised Paul to never hook up a lady in January considering the financial conditions which push some Ugandans to desperation. But Paul went ahead and linked up with the damsel.

Her response was telegenic and right away, Paul decided to push the interaction a notch higher by suggesting a physical meeting. It was then that all hell broke lose; the lady asked Paul to wait until she had consulted her husband..

You cannot imagine how flabbergasted Paul was upon the revelation that she had a husband, not even a boyfriend.

Pejoratively, he wondered why the lady was being nice and flirtatious and yet she is married.

"It is just social media", I told him.

Nonetheless, the lady had her intentions as I later came to learn; she has been looking for a job and Paul posed on social media as a person with networks from his posing in pictures with big names in the country. unfortunately, Paul was merely putting up looks to impress but he is also looking for a job

Paul blocked her!

My Love Affair With My Dentist

 Last week, I visited my dentist; same problem as I had 4 years ago; stains on my teeth.

 He served me well to the extent that even when he did not say it this time round, I would not disobey him again but....

My dentist is a wonderful guy; he talks and jokes a lot. In 2019 when I went for my second visit over the teeth stains, he asked what he had asked 3 years ago; whether I smoke, take lots of coffee or coke. I replied in the affirmative to the latter and he advised me to tone down or abandon them altogether.

This, I promised that I would do after emptying my tin of Nescafe and I did. I stopped taking coffee and Coke for a month and a few weeks.

However, in early tweni-tweni (2020) I heard that there was a strange outbreak of disease which was going to kill all of us - COVID-19. Within, I asked, why preserve teeth when the flu is going to kill us anyway? Therefore, I resumed my caffeine diet. This time round, it was too much that I could count over 5 liters of Coke in a week and the coffee in plenty.

By the time Museveni locked down the nation, I had forgotten all about my dentist and as you, town people rushed to buy toilet paper, I was scampering for large stock of coffee and assurance that the village shop will not run out of Coke. Who cared about toilet paper when there were trees all around us?

Just like that, COVID derailed my efforts to keep my teeth healthy.

Therefore, when I walked back to his dental clinic, I was praying not to find Wilber but lo, he is the one who received me. He smiled but I could not smile back, my heart was heavy with guilt. 

"I can tell that you have been taking coffee and coca-cola"

He summoned me to his room and started his work. Mid-way through the cleaning, I was just praying that I may retain my jaws and the teeth gum; lucky enough, I did. Since then, every time I have been seeing a dental clinic I take to my heels, lest I am summoned for another operation.

When I told this to my best friend, he gave me the best advice you would receive from a friend; "continue taking coke and coffee, but stop staring in the mirror, it is the one which will show you that your teeth have stains", he said.

As I speak, my heart is divided between taking the advice of the dentist or my OB who owns a depot of coke!

Support to Complete their House

The family of Kaboole Robert and Muyama Sylvia stays in Malukhu village, Musese Parish, Mbale District in Uganda. The father was working as a security officer at Musese Primary School. He was earning Ugx 30,000 (less than 10 dollars) per month. He lost his job when he was sick for 3 months in 2020.

Kaboole with his wife, 2 of his children and grandchildren 

They have borne 10 children between themselves but one died last year.

They currently stay with their 4 of their own children and 2 grandchildren in a badly damaged, old house seen below.

Their House in the background

In January 2020, the family started saving money to buy iron sheets and build a new house. But in 2022, one of their daughters, Esther fell so sick and after a few weeks in hospital, she died and they used up their savings.

But before Esther's death, they had started building a mud-wattle house (made of soil) and bought 10 iron sheets. However when she died, the building stopped because they had used up all the money and part of the wall was destroyed by the rain as seen in the pictures below.

Robert standing before the collapsed section of the new house

In their house, they have 1 mattress which they bought in 2022. The children sleep on papyrus mats and rags which they put together in the night. I did not enter to take pictures in their houses, for respect of their privacy.

For a latrine, they have a hole which is surrounded by dry banana leaves to cover a person when they are inside. 

Appeal for help!

Their appeal is that if someone lends a hand to them, they can complete the house. 

The following are what are needed to complete it:

Estimate cost to fix and complete the house. Dollar rate use is 3684.9

This is an estimate and it is a bare minimum based on the fact that when building this house, some materials can be collected locally and the family can offer support during construction. The labour cost is for the person who does work which needs technical skill.

More pictures of the family and the current situation are below.

The roof of their current building.
When it rains, the roof leaks and the family gather in one place to keep warm

The small structure is a kitchen which is roofed with plastics (kaveera). If he gets new iron sheets for their new house, they will use the old iron sheets to make a better kitchen.

A cross-section of the cracked house

The New incomplete but broken house.

END

THANK YOU

Can I Be Doctor by Proxy?

Author at Sipi falls in Kapchorwa, Uganda

A few weeks ago, I entered an office in Kampala and a people there mistakenly referred to me as doctor. I did not bother correcting her. Even when I was exiting the building she gave me “gooddbye doctor” look which I took with grace.

 

That mistaken identity raised my ego, and since then, I have been trying so hard to become a doctor. I thought about completing the Masters and going for further studies to gain a PHD but that is a tall order and will take me a lot of time.

 

I contemplated becoming a witch-doctor but I think my Catholic faith may not allow.

 

So, after a lot of thinking, I and my team* have resolved that I explore further a possibility of becoming a medical doctor.

 

This brought back memories of my graduate bachelors degree at Islamic University In Uganda. I was admitted in 2012 but didn't graduate until 2017; a whooping five years. My cousin who knew my struggle with tuition sacarstically asked, “Are you doing medicine?”

 

Therefore (in Museveni's voice), after spending all those years at University, I think I can rightfully become a doctor; specialising in herbal medicine and treatment.

 

At least I can treat some diseases like mutobolya. Then there is this other disease; I don't know its English name but we call it “malenge” here in Mbale. These are diseases I can easilly treat without much thought or research.

 

Indeed mutobolya heals when the doctor makes the patient dance around a tree called muurukuru while malenge needs hot malwa. We call it “ipau” in Lugisu!

Why I wish I had Voted For NRM - Satire

 Today, I awoke filled with remorse, indeed repentant. How I wish I had voted for NRM on January 14th, 2021; my life would be far better.

Hon. Robert Kyagulanyi Ssentamu

I stand at the grocery store and watch jealously as NRM supporters buy soap cheaply, at 3,000/ while I am supposed to pay 7,000 for the same soap. I decide to buy a piece, they buy a bar.

How I regret supporting Hon Kyagulanyi Ssentamu Robert. Last week, I walked into a government Health Centre for medical attention. lo, the doctor tells me that they don't have any medicine for us. All NRM supporters nowadays just cruise past us, as they head to outside countries for malaria treatment.

On Thursday, the 14th of January is when my fate was sealed. As I imbibe myself into loans and go around fundraising to pay my tuition, all NRM supporters who wish to study are grabbing themselves scholarships to universities of their choice. I wish I had voted for the old man.

Currently, all the NRM supporters and their relatives are scooping juicy jobs in government; permanent and pensionable, all without paying a bribe. I doubt whether there is any jobless NRM supporter. Lucky them.

When I walk on our narrow roads, when I move in PSVs driven by unqualified persons, I know that anytime, I can be a victim of a road accident. In Uganda, accidents kill at least 10 opposition supporters every day as our NRM colleagues cruise in serviced and well-maintained SUVs on wider roads. It was indeed a mistake not to belong to NRM.

Honestly, how could I, having spent 20 years in school, sitting in more than 6 schools of economics support and vote for Bobi who could not articulate fiscal policy? Right now, while NRM supporters, whose leader doesn't even need to tell us what fiscal policy he applies, are enjoying life tax-free, we are paying exorbitant taxes; including taxes on tax.

Engule which we were promised has turned into a Crown of thorns like one worn by Jesus at Golgotha. 

Please NRM brothers and sisters, we know that you're in “the thing”. But let politics not separate us, share whatever you're enjoying that side.

Indeed, if you so want, I can denounce Bobi so that just like you, I sail through life accessing cheap goods, and services, getting uncountable scholarships and going abroad for treatment. 

Just yesterday we stopped at a Petrol Station and saw NRM supporters paying 2k for a liter of petrol for which we paid 5,230. Can't I request Mzei to remove my vote from Bobi and add it to his?

Even the current scourge of armyworms is only attacking opposition supporters’ gardens, but we are all Ugandans!

Was that Waragi Sanctified

In an upscale Hotel, I rushed to the loos and without stopping to read the labels entered. As I wielded my energy to open the fly, behold a lady came out of one of the toilets.

Mumbling apologies, I dashed out and pushed open the next door, only to be met with sharp eyes of ladies who were carelessly minding their very important business, probably not expecting intrusion, especially from the opposite sex.

"This hotel's washrooms are all meant Ladies?" I wondered within me

Kumbe the first Lady had used the Gents

Always read the labels!

In my village of Musese, even when I was of tender age still vividly remember us having a beloved priest called Coning.

You know this, our Catholic Church has been so tolerant that it would entertain all people; including drunkards before they could rescind into their lucidity interval. Who are we to judge? It was not strange that a man or two would come to church and if Mass delayed he passed by Nabalayo's mini brewery or Wakoko's joint in Shisatsa then join Mass later.

On this particular Christmas, Coning had preached, prayed and then,

"By this Holy water and by your Precious Blood, wash away all my sins O Lord".

The good reverend Father started sprinkling us with the "Holy Water".

When the sanctification began, there was a stir in the congregation caused by mumblings and a sharp smell of crude waragi.

The Catechist requested the person who has been drinking to move out and 7 of them left the congregation.

Father Coning also reacting, put the bottle of the "Holy Water" to his nose, quietly replaced the lid, went back to the altar, picked another bottle and restarted the sanctification.

Todate, even in death, Rev Father Coning of the Tororo Archdiocese, Nyondo Parish remains our most favorite Parent in Christ.

"By this Holy water and by your Precious Blood, wash away all my sins O Lord".

Was that Waragi sanctified?