Can I Be Doctor by Proxy?

Author at Sipi falls in Kapchorwa, Uganda

A few weeks ago, I entered an office in Kampala and a people there mistakenly referred to me as doctor. I did not bother correcting her. Even when I was exiting the building she gave me “gooddbye doctor” look which I took with grace.

 

That mistaken identity raised my ego, and since then, I have been trying so hard to become a doctor. I thought about completing the Masters and going for further studies to gain a PHD but that is a tall order and will take me a lot of time.

 

I contemplated becoming a witch-doctor but I think my Catholic faith may not allow.

 

So, after a lot of thinking, I and my team* have resolved that I explore further a possibility of becoming a medical doctor.

 

This brought back memories of my graduate bachelors degree at Islamic University In Uganda. I was admitted in 2012 but didn't graduate until 2017; a whooping five years. My cousin who knew my struggle with tuition sacarstically asked, “Are you doing medicine?”

 

Therefore (in Museveni's voice), after spending all those years at University, I think I can rightfully become a doctor; specialising in herbal medicine and treatment.

 

At least I can treat some diseases like mutobolya. Then there is this other disease; I don't know its English name but we call it “malenge” here in Mbale. These are diseases I can easilly treat without much thought or research.

 

Indeed mutobolya heals when the doctor makes the patient dance around a tree called muurukuru while malenge needs hot malwa. We call it “ipau” in Lugisu!