Living In March 2017, The Month of Stella Nyanzi

Issue 26

By Denis Wabuyi

Today, tomorrow or yesterday depending on when i will complete this piece of writing is/was a public holiday – it is/was Fools Day. That means that we shall not work if we are fools. But anyway, let us talk about conmen and con-women.

When people talk about conmen, I remember the many ambulances we had last year and in 2015 and wonder what happened to them. To where did they disappear? These days we only see one for Nakayenze moving around Mbale town and transporting the dead to their homesteads yet the real need is in the villages like Wapukunyanga. Such vehicles should be used to rush people to the nearest medical attention and not ferrying the dead.

Talking of Wapukunyanga, it is a village in Busiu Sub County. It used to have one homestead. The LC I was self-appointed or rather he became chairman by default only to hear that he also left the village and went to Kampala for green pastures???. So as we speak, it is likely that the fertile village of Wapuks does not have a village chair.
Back to the ambulances, I have no doubt that many have been turned into matatus but surely God is seeing you and it may be the reason some people could not even go through with the election that was full of deceit and faking.

About faking, I remember a certain guy who came to me requesting for money to go and pick his visa to America at the American embassy in Nsambya. I asked him how he expects to afford a ticket to America when he could not even afford transport to Nsambya. By the way Nsambya is the capital city of America in Uganda. I say this because when I tried to rent a house on one mall where Uchumi used to be, they told me rent is paid in dollars.

I even wonder what all these security agencies are for when we have people that reject the national currency at the front doors of the Bank of Uganda. People who refuse to transact in Uganda shillings are merely saying that you're money is garbage which is not true, our currency can't be garbage but for sure it maybe likened to dry grass or “kamasakari”. Of course, I don’t know the English meaning of Kamasakari but any Mugisu from Busiu can help translate for you.

Did I talk about treason? It reminds me of Besigye and FDC. Some few years back these guys had specialized in treason. They could have over 100 supporters battling treason at a go. Surprisingly none was charged and sentenced for that crime. They have now left it to Tony Kipoi Nsubuga, Mumbere, his subjects and those Buganda youths who bitterly contested the government move that blocked Kabaka from reaching Bugerere. Those guys thought that they loved Buganda more than the king. They were nabbed, incarcerated and Buganda has forgotten all about them. They are on etoffali building structures as their subjects languish in prisons. Some have died and others have lost hope of ever seeing their relations again. For those that are lucky, their parents can sell off their pieces of land and bribe the prisons warders to release them back door. That is a piece of advice.

By the way is Kipoi a Musoga or Muganda? Bugisu doesn't have the name Nsubuga, maybe he conned the name from someone. I hear he is not an easy man. Mbu he made his money from "magumba" in South Africa. In Bugisu we call it "Kamaloko" the kind of magic where a person can cast a foreign body into you by a mere flicker of the eye. Lucrative in South Africa I hear but we shall confirm that when we get to know who is conning us.

Back to our gracious topic of conmen, FDC seems to be under attack. The wife to defiance pastor David Ngabo was arraigned in court and the week after we saw NBS summon Frank Gashumba over conning whomever NBS knows. I wonder why the complainants went to the TV station instead of Police!

But anyway, Police also has its own issues. My prayer this year is for Uganda to legalise the sale of Marijuana to Uganda security agencies. We shall at least say Kaihura was high on substance when he told us that ADF was defeated and was not anymore then still tell us they killed his assistant, the fallen policeman Andrew Felix Kaweesi.

Talking of Kaweesi, may he rest in peace. The guy was hard working. In such a short period of time he had put up a lot to his bank account but this world is horrible. Andrew left all that to the vultures of the world unless his kids can get of age enough to enjoy the sweat of their father. I think men sacrifice a lot for their children.

But we cannot only say men because my occupation has brought me in touch with women who sacrifice 150% of their earnings to educate their children and make sure they get ahead! Women are the species who make men heroes.
Talking of heroes, the irony of life is that most people are rendered and referred to as heroes after they have passed on. Life ain’t easy. You die so that you can be crowned hero. I will not die, neither shall Stella Nyanzi die in her battle against whatever she knows better, she alleged that the first family does not have many bachelors degrees which is either true or not.

This Nyanzi woman has serious stuff she is spreading against the first family but that will be spared for another day.

By the way, who won the presidential debate of 2016? I think it was not Elton Joseph Mabirizi. I doubt Mabirizi’s credentials but I know that he is not the worst there is one guy I know who is worse.
And as a by the way, the great Elton Joseph Mabirizi has a bachelor’s degree but he cannot recall the institution that awarded the degree to him. Kwegamba he went down there and retuned with the bachelors.

As we wrap it up we also recognise that most royals were born in April. In fact there is a big likelihood that if it was not for change in days, my birthday would not have been in May. Kwegamba I can say that I was born on April 45th, the same month with Kabaka Mutebi, King Oyo and the Queen of England Her Majesty Elizabeth II (Elizabeth Alexandra Mary; born 21 April 1926)

As I wrap it up once more, we are in awe of the things that made news in March that as we were still mourning Kaweesi, David Kalinaki brought us and I “the phantasmagoria of crude and vulgar vignettes” that Stella Nyanzi used to rock the month of March.