A Tale of Two Beauties

"Send this message to 14 people in 10 minutes including myself. God is going to surprise you with money."

Does Heaven currency work in Uganda?

To the people who forward to us these messages sustainably, what is always going through your mind as you forward? What are your intentions? Why should I send back to you what you sent to me? The sentence does not even make sense.

It reminds me of the year 1999 back in the village called Nabisolo. Till now it is a rural area with animals like foxes, tsinjipwe, butsutse and other chicken-mauling animals whose names I can't recall neither in English nor the local Lumasaba. However, the name Nabisolo is loosely translated to mean a place of wild animals and being that it is at the foot of Wanale hill, harbouring wild animals is not anything strange. Nabisolo is found in Bungokho, one of the sub counties that make up rural Mbale.

I do not have many fond memories of this place apart from the fact that it is where I lost my virginity and maybe this other story that am going to share with you today. When you are in Nabisolo you have a good view of the plain flat areas of Mbale town and the beauty of other places like Busiu with the great Manafa River snaking through to offer water to the rice farms in Himutu, Doho, Tindi all in Butalejja. I have a feeling the river then pours into the great Mpologoma, which also delivers to Kyoga in Pallisa. In other words, you can stand on rock in Nabisolo and view three quarters of Mbale including the shanty structures of Kikamba in Mooni, Munkaga in Nauyo and the United States of Adra (USA), Maluku.

Now that you have a clear picture of Nabisolo, we can go back to 1999, the year that transformed me into a man proper. Having been circumcised on 28th December 1998, I was properly initiated into manhood on 1st January 1999 because I missed the mandatory 30th December the day I was supposed to have my shabalye. It is also the year in which I celebrated making a decade in Uganda and the world in general.

In the year 1999 in that village there lived 2 girls that I got well along with. My attachment to these girls was simple; one took my virginity, the other introduced me to her. It goes without doubt that many children in Bugisu are normally introduced to sex at a tender age. After all, it is circumcision then the need to cut what we call “kumulindi”. It happens when a circumcised boy has sex for the first time since he was circumcised. When I now look back, I think that I would not accept to do such a thing because you are not even allowed to use a condom; for better results.

Back to the story of Nakuti and Khaitsa. Khaitsa was and yes, she is still my cousin sister. She was 3 years older but our closeness mainly emanated from the fact that I was at the centre of all her relationships that I can now say were love affairs. One unique character about Khaitsa was that she was not one to refuse advances from any boy. At 12 years, you would say she was too young to be having over 4 lovers but my sister got well along with it. No wonder that she has borne us 4 nieces and 5 nephews from 3 in-laws.

I now look back and marvel at her capacity to make sure that she kept all her lovers and kept amassing them; one thing that I have failed to even contemplate doing. But this was not of her alone because even Nakuti my first cut did not end with me but that will be another day’s story. Today’s story shall be about Nakuti and Khaitsa my sister.

Born at a time when girl-child education did not mean much to the people in the slopes of Wanale, these girls knew that their mission in life was to grow, get married, tend to the children and die. It is the reason why the fate of Nakuti and Khaitsa at school would be sealed as soon as the girls started “going to the moon” as the locals used to say. Whenever the girls stained their pink school uniforms, they could be ridiculed all day and Nakuti would normally stay home for the 4 days that followed. But she did not miss much since school in such places always ended at lunch time. The time after lunch was for singing practice, games and sports. I doubt whether much has changed since then.

Nakuti and Khaitsa kept a bond that stood a test of time and I vividly remember this one evening when Khaitsa skipped school because she was in one of those “red days”. After school, Nakuti picked all her books on the pretext of coming for revision with Khaitsa. Of course she just got a good excuse to skip helping her mother prepare supper and get the goats into their place; because the two families maintained a good family friendship, it was allowed for Nakuti to stay late outside their home because she was at my uncle’s place and the same of my cousin sister Khaitsa. The girls always took advantage of this loophole to pay visits to their lovers and tell their parents they were at the other’s place.

This one evening when Nakuti visited Khaitsa, 20 minutes were spent on school work. She told Khaitsa about what transpired at school. Of course, at the back of my mind even at that tender age was why my cousin should miss school just because she is in her “moon days”, why she bled and we the boys did not bleed. No one ever bothered to tell me but it was because I never asked anyway. It has been my tendency from childhood to keep most of the questions to myself; I always believe that I will find out myself without bringing myself so low to ask.

Having grown up now to a level of appreciating the role women play in our society and being exposed to the need to have girls educated just as boys should be, I wonder why girls even up to now and tomorrow should miss school days just because they are girls. Many times I read posts of people in support or against Dr Nyanzi but on rare occasions do I see a political party raise voice in support of her cause however noble it is. That is what we call bastardising a noble cause for political gains.

Back to Nakuti. When it got late and time when she is supposed to go back home, Khaitsa offered to walk her friend outside the compound. The girl chat that the two were enjoying went on and instead of stopping her outside the compound; Khaitsa accompanied Nakuti to her house. I now look back and wonder what the girls were discussing to that extent. After greeting Nakuti’s parents and wishing them a good night, of course Nakuti had to return the favour and walk Khaitsa back home but this time with Nakuti’s brothers since it was getting late.

The next time it happened, Khaitsa never returned home

To be continued......................................

By the way, forward this message to everyone in your contacts list including me and I will surprise you with nothing.

On Gender Equality We Are Still Very Far

#Issue 28

On the issue of equality, I think that Uganda has never taken effort more than just talk and anticipation.


Girls miss school because they cannot afford sanitary pads to manage the menstrual periods but for today that will be solved by the incarceration, torture and persecution of Dr Stella Nyanzi Owenene.

When girls conceive, it marks end of their education in most cases while the boys/men continue unbothered even if they are both responsible for the pregnancy.


In all this we have had nothing but talk that we are on the path to attaining female emancipation. For me I think we shall not get there unless we erase the 19th century mentality of holding on to stupid values and useless religious beliefs that are holding back women from pursuing their dreams and enjoying a better life.


Some few years back there was a proposal by some people to start distributing condoms in high school which proposal was met with the most radical opposition which has incessantly professed their support for equality; I think this is hypocrisy of the highest level. Let us face the truth; at what stage did most of you start engaging in active sexual activities if not 13 or even below? Now what makes you think that your brothers, children and grand children will abstain till the age of 25? The refusal to offer condoms to high school students has and still exposes them to the dangers of unprotected sex such as pregnancy and Sexually Transmitted Diseases like the rampant HIV/AIDS. I know that there are so many arguments against such a move as encouraging young people into early sex but come on, their absence does not deter them. The Daily Monitor ran a story of 150 students who were arrested in Mbale and found in possession of condoms. Apparently, those who were not in possession of condoms but had engaged in unprotected sex were deemed well behaved and with their good manners they will have harvested HIV and early pregnancy. My sister Martha says THEY HAVE BRAINS, BUT DO THEY USE THEM?


There was a motion by the East African Legislative Assembly also known as EALA to avail contraceptives to the students in high school. This was met with sneers, disdain, ridicule, anger, scorn, disgust, name it. Surprisingly if you asked the ones who reacted thus, they are not likely to be knowing the contents of the bill but were forming their judgement from their own sentimental hatred for anything that opens the eyes of their children to reality. Why does my Africa perceive sex a forbidden subject of indulgence and yet they engage in this activity more than any other continent?


What wrong would it be if the girls can freely and openly access contraception so that they guard self against unwanted pregnancies? WE HAVE THE BRAINS, WHEN SHALL WE USE THEM? Do you know that the boy just like the girl enjoyed sex and the girl conceived? Why should the girl pay a higher price? My opinion is that if we are not ready to prevent the pregnancies through contraception and a girl conceives, let the boy also quit school and nurse the girl till she is ready to resume school that he may also resume. If we don't do so, we shall continue electing Members of Parliament and Women members of parliament representing the same constituents and we shall continue putting our brains to rest as we grapple with a big government and slim service delivery.

The other option of having the girls stay in school even with pregnancy may not be the best because you know the prejudice they face if they stayed in the same class with your bad mannered brats.


Legalizing abortion. Let me swallow a pill before I can continue.

Whenever I have raised the point of legalizing abortion. I have faced the most demeaning looks from all sections of people across the political, religious and social divide. All Ugandans believe without doubt that abortion is the worst sin anyone can commit on earth. Many evoke my emotions by asking what would happen if I was aborted and my answer is always the same; do you think I enjoy being in the world?


But surely, why does an adulterous person who is eloping with another man's wife think that God will forgive him? Why does a thief who swindled billions meant for the poor think that his sin is not as big as murder? Why do you lie in the morning and think that you will correct one who makes an abortion? What is the measure for hell fire and sin before God? What does God say about man and sin? “All have sinned and fallen short of God's glory”. What became of this Bible verse? Am speaking Bible because I don't know much about the Holy Quran.


I remember one time when the EALA Member of Parliament Hon Mukasa Mbidde, while sharing his opinion on legalisation of abortion, reminded us that when expounding on laws people should not cite the bible and its 10 commandments because they only work in heaven.

“Before we reach heaven, we must take care of what happens here on earth. Sometimes death is necessary for provision of life. Why should one deliver a child of bad memory especially in cases of defilement and rape?”

In all this I have not made my point but we all know what wreck unwanted pregnancies are causing and worse still the illegal abortions being carried out. According to Daily Monitor of February 16th this year the Ministry of Health says 292,000 abortions are carried out annually in the country translating into 800 per day with more than a half of them procured using crude methods.


Now we have a choice; to either have female emancipation and achieve equality on paper or have female emancipation and achieve gender equality in reality. I know that in doing so we shall painfully need to put aside our beliefs, teachings and prejudices but unless we do that, the future shall only be like the present. Uganda loses so many brains in girls who drop out because they cannot manage Menstrual periods, conceive before school completion or are married off for profit.


As long as we are still holding onto the beliefs of the other generation which held the women folk back, we shall talk and talk and talk but like the weaverbirds, when the dark of the night falls, we shall be embalmed and put into that wooden casing. When we reach heaven we shall reel and sob when we realise that even God wanted us equal because he created all of us in His image but we did whatever was in our power to maintain and sustain inequality.

 For me I will be somewhere working for my Lord.

Of Sanitary Pads and Food Flasks, it is Not Nyanzi's Business Alone

Even at the climax of my timidity and fear, one thing I can authoritatively say is that Uganda or Ugandans are in a financial crisis and it is true the economy is sick and alarmingly sick. Those in the financial sector can affirm that the loan default is high and those paying are passing through untold hardships. Banks are lending cautiously with most debt being offered to government which is thought to be a secure borrower but if the nose dive continues, believe you me Uganda as government is also gonna default on its debts before 2025. The economy is in free fall and even the governors at the Central Bank are aware that they are not in charge.

Early this year, Bank Of Uganda lowered the lending rate to stimulate borrowing but there is no guarantee that those who are borrowing at these lower rates will pay without struggle if they manage to pay anyway. Even without reading between lines, one can tell that it is the result of bad investment decisions by government. Of course, I will not talk about the NRM expenditure on the campaigns that had direct bad impact on the already bad economy neither will I mention the withdrawal of donor funds from some “bunch of useless western nations” as our president calls them.

When we sunk all that money into roads, bridges, railways, statehouse and defense while ignoring other productive sectors they made things worse. Remember most of the money that is spent on infrastructure goes abroad to Chinese and there is no real value for it.

Whoever advised Museveni to sink money in the roads must be the same who told Sudhir to put money in buildings instead of lending it out. He or she must be related to FDC in one way or another. No wonder it is DFDCU bank that took over Crane Bank but that is a by the way.

For us at the grassroots we just watch and start adjusting to one meal a day. We are soon selling food flasks to buy food. Remember at first we sold cows and bought food flasks hoping to solve the issue of hunger but these food flasks were not as holy as rice from Kubiiri at the Mulago Round-about.

Every parent who bought a food flask thinking that every morning the food flask would be overflowing with food from heaven in form of mana or quill was mistaken. Our friends across the Nile waited and waited until the kids started conceiving from home. Why did mother of the nation ask people to buy food flasks when she was not gonna give them a source of food? However in essence it all sounds like a comical movie for one who has gone hungry for days to start packing food for his/her children when they are going to school.

Anyway, we cannot forget to appreciate the fellows in the Ministry of Education who have honorably and ably solved the problem of high school drop-out in Karamoja region. In fact since the days of John the Baptist this region had never witnessed such a high enrolment in the government aided schools with such regular attendance. We can copy leaf from what the Ministry did to take and keep Karimojongs in school. They serve them with free porridge at school. I hear that what those guys do is spend the morning in the bush with their cattle and at the time when the bell rings for porridge all and sundry queue for porridge. After the good porridge they all get back to their bush and to their cattle. After all what are presidents for especially if he collected 99% votes from the region where the majority pastoralists didn't even vote?

Karimojongs who stayed away from voting are way more intelligent than Kampalans and we the alleged intellectuals who stood in line for hours just to cast a vote. What changed after waiting that long?

Back to Buyende girls who started their periods early just to tarnish first Lady's name. These girls only need to have controlled their periods till the oil comes out of the ground and we got enough money for such luxuries. Can't the Basoga in Buyende also appreciate government effort and buy sanitary pads for their children? We now hear that these girls normally get money for pads from their side business after school. In the most vulnerable condition, they give out their young bodies to fishermen who in return pay them as much as 10,000.

After all they are the most satisfied tribesmen and majority beneficiaries of the current regime. There are the unconfirmed rumours that the ruling party got 90% support from Buyende with FDC getting 40%, Mbabazi 20% and Kyalya 10%. Don’t mind if the maths does not add up, does it always add up anyway?

Lastly, just in case the first Lady does not forgive me as she did Stella Nyanzi, my next article shall be about preserving the environment and the current indiscriminate disposal of waste as well as the pathetic destruction of the flora and fauna of Uganda. I just realised recently that when we actually collect all our rubbish in the rubbish bins of Mbale the Municipal council carries the same waste and dumps it in Kamonkoli or the forest along Busiu road. It is some sort of madness that I wonder of what importance it is to collect the rubbish only to use it to pollute for the innocent people of Kamonkoli.

Back to the issue of pads which has become as contentious as the Makerere Professor herself, Busiu Youth Forum wrote a proposal requesting 40 million from NSSF friends with benefits to engage in the production and supply of free recyclable or reusable sanitary pads but just like the ministry of education, the NSSF thought that the girls may bleed later and did not fund us. If there is change of heart and you think that our proposal makes sense, all the government schools in the great Bungokho South can be covered with us. Do not say that am bribing anyone for an offer because the need is right before your eyes. Act now or watch another generation go down the drain as we keep talking emancipation and acting sexism. But wait, did we say women are majority in Uganda and they are also an interest group?

Let me ask for forgiveness!

NB: This article is a combination of fiction and reality. It is now the reader to sort the chaff from good or the good from the chaff. Whatever will be easy for you!

Living In March 2017, The Month of Stella Nyanzi

Issue 26

By Denis Wabuyi

Today, tomorrow or yesterday depending on when i will complete this piece of writing is/was a public holiday – it is/was Fools Day. That means that we shall not work if we are fools. But anyway, let us talk about conmen and con-women.

When people talk about conmen, I remember the many ambulances we had last year and in 2015 and wonder what happened to them. To where did they disappear? These days we only see one for Nakayenze moving around Mbale town and transporting the dead to their homesteads yet the real need is in the villages like Wapukunyanga. Such vehicles should be used to rush people to the nearest medical attention and not ferrying the dead.

Talking of Wapukunyanga, it is a village in Busiu Sub County. It used to have one homestead. The LC I was self-appointed or rather he became chairman by default only to hear that he also left the village and went to Kampala for green pastures???. So as we speak, it is likely that the fertile village of Wapuks does not have a village chair.
Back to the ambulances, I have no doubt that many have been turned into matatus but surely God is seeing you and it may be the reason some people could not even go through with the election that was full of deceit and faking.

About faking, I remember a certain guy who came to me requesting for money to go and pick his visa to America at the American embassy in Nsambya. I asked him how he expects to afford a ticket to America when he could not even afford transport to Nsambya. By the way Nsambya is the capital city of America in Uganda. I say this because when I tried to rent a house on one mall where Uchumi used to be, they told me rent is paid in dollars.

I even wonder what all these security agencies are for when we have people that reject the national currency at the front doors of the Bank of Uganda. People who refuse to transact in Uganda shillings are merely saying that you're money is garbage which is not true, our currency can't be garbage but for sure it maybe likened to dry grass or “kamasakari”. Of course, I don’t know the English meaning of Kamasakari but any Mugisu from Busiu can help translate for you.

Did I talk about treason? It reminds me of Besigye and FDC. Some few years back these guys had specialized in treason. They could have over 100 supporters battling treason at a go. Surprisingly none was charged and sentenced for that crime. They have now left it to Tony Kipoi Nsubuga, Mumbere, his subjects and those Buganda youths who bitterly contested the government move that blocked Kabaka from reaching Bugerere. Those guys thought that they loved Buganda more than the king. They were nabbed, incarcerated and Buganda has forgotten all about them. They are on etoffali building structures as their subjects languish in prisons. Some have died and others have lost hope of ever seeing their relations again. For those that are lucky, their parents can sell off their pieces of land and bribe the prisons warders to release them back door. That is a piece of advice.

By the way is Kipoi a Musoga or Muganda? Bugisu doesn't have the name Nsubuga, maybe he conned the name from someone. I hear he is not an easy man. Mbu he made his money from "magumba" in South Africa. In Bugisu we call it "Kamaloko" the kind of magic where a person can cast a foreign body into you by a mere flicker of the eye. Lucrative in South Africa I hear but we shall confirm that when we get to know who is conning us.

Back to our gracious topic of conmen, FDC seems to be under attack. The wife to defiance pastor David Ngabo was arraigned in court and the week after we saw NBS summon Frank Gashumba over conning whomever NBS knows. I wonder why the complainants went to the TV station instead of Police!

But anyway, Police also has its own issues. My prayer this year is for Uganda to legalise the sale of Marijuana to Uganda security agencies. We shall at least say Kaihura was high on substance when he told us that ADF was defeated and was not anymore then still tell us they killed his assistant, the fallen policeman Andrew Felix Kaweesi.

Talking of Kaweesi, may he rest in peace. The guy was hard working. In such a short period of time he had put up a lot to his bank account but this world is horrible. Andrew left all that to the vultures of the world unless his kids can get of age enough to enjoy the sweat of their father. I think men sacrifice a lot for their children.

But we cannot only say men because my occupation has brought me in touch with women who sacrifice 150% of their earnings to educate their children and make sure they get ahead! Women are the species who make men heroes.
Talking of heroes, the irony of life is that most people are rendered and referred to as heroes after they have passed on. Life ain’t easy. You die so that you can be crowned hero. I will not die, neither shall Stella Nyanzi die in her battle against whatever she knows better, she alleged that the first family does not have many bachelors degrees which is either true or not.

This Nyanzi woman has serious stuff she is spreading against the first family but that will be spared for another day.

By the way, who won the presidential debate of 2016? I think it was not Elton Joseph Mabirizi. I doubt Mabirizi’s credentials but I know that he is not the worst there is one guy I know who is worse.
And as a by the way, the great Elton Joseph Mabirizi has a bachelor’s degree but he cannot recall the institution that awarded the degree to him. Kwegamba he went down there and retuned with the bachelors.

As we wrap it up we also recognise that most royals were born in April. In fact there is a big likelihood that if it was not for change in days, my birthday would not have been in May. Kwegamba I can say that I was born on April 45th, the same month with Kabaka Mutebi, King Oyo and the Queen of England Her Majesty Elizabeth II (Elizabeth Alexandra Mary; born 21 April 1926)

As I wrap it up once more, we are in awe of the things that made news in March that as we were still mourning Kaweesi, David Kalinaki brought us and I “the phantasmagoria of crude and vulgar vignettes” that Stella Nyanzi used to rock the month of March.